expose of a date (it was going to be an expose of "dating", but I didn't really get that far before I got sick of it)

Recently I came to the conclusion that there was no one I know that I would actually like to be in a relationship with. And since I've been thinking that I might like to be in a relationship, the logical conclusion was that I would have to meet new people. Any avid reader of this blog would realise that the circles I move in are already intertwined enough without me complicating things further by dating friends of friends, which left me with two potential options. 1. Attempt to meet random strangers out and about; and 2. Internet dating.

I've had some minor success with option 1 in the past, although recently, despite the most random of meetings (I mean, who meets someone while hungover in a camping store?), there seems to have been a little too much overlap with the current social Venn diagram. So having gone with option 1 for the last 10 years or so, I thought maybe it would be best to give option 2 a try.

Every woman I spoke to about the proposal was enthused. Some had considered trying it themselves and were eager for my feedback, some had tried it already, the already coupled-up said they thought it sounded like fun, and the general response was along the lines of "go girl!". The men I told reacted slightly differently. Some were amused, some had tried it already and my housemate downright laughed at me (although he did add the very flattering comment that he thought I already got more than my fair share of attention from the opposite sex and perhaps I didn't need any more).

The profile creation was not to be undertaken lightly. Trying to distill the essence of why you are awesome into a by-line, a photo and a slightly more detailed description is no mean feat. It took me hours just to come up with the by-line.

The first week or so was fun, a bit like playing some kind of computer game. People send you "kisses", the real world equivalent of making eyes at you across the dance floor. You then have the choice of sending a kiss back (flirting back a little), or not (turning away abruptly). If you return the kiss, then they can send you an email, which would be the equivalent of asking to buy you a drink in the hope of starting up a conversation.

I set up one hard and fast rule for myself - anyone who in any way referred to finding "that someone special" was immediately ruled out. No room for cliches in my dating circle. Unsurprisingly that narrowed the pool remarkably. To be honest, after all the stories I'd heard about people finding love (or at least some kind of pleasant interaction) over the internet, I was surprised at what a bunch of duds were showing up on my computer screen. Perhaps I was being too harsh, but in 2 weeks of searching I found only 5 that attracted my interest.

Anyway fast forward past the "kisses", past the emailing back and forth, and finally to phone call proceeding the date. The boy had been surprisingly sweet via text communication, perhaps the kind of sweet that suggested he wasn't entirely relaxed with the situation. I've never been offered the phrase "have a lovely day" so much outside of the USA retail sector. As soon as the phone call got going though, I found the first flaw. He was a slow-talker. This was a bad sign.

There's something to be said here for the additional depth of human perception when it comes to the standard human communication methods. Online this guy seemed fairly intelligent, interesting and not too bad at conversation, but as soon as I heard him talking there was an immediate feeling that something wasn't the way I wanted it.

Anyway, attempting not to judge a book by its audio tape, I went along with the date as planned. In essence, it was horrible. When someone repeats more than once that as a child they used to spend most of their time having horse-poo and rotten egg fights, you do start to question their priorities in life. So after 10 minutes I found myself thinking up excuses to leave. I figured I would give it an hour, it could possibly get better, but in reality I was already wishing I was across the road playing lawn bowls with my mates. Concerning when you take into account my lack of enthusiasm for lawn bowls.

So that was the end of internet dating for yours truly. I did however learn an interesting lesson, there are some things conveyed when you actually meet a person that are very well hidden in internet communication. Perhaps we shouldn't be so hasty to discount actual interaction from our lives.